I remember after my abuser had committed suicide it was so hard going and seeing family knowing that they now knew about it.

I really struggled with this, because it was as though my abuser had taken something else out of my hands, by committing suicide. I wanted people to know, but I wasn’t ready for it. Although I don’t think I would ever be ready for it.

During the week after his death, I broke down quit a lot and I really struggled to explain why to my family, I just felt as though, even though they were trying their best to, they didn’t understand.

I explained to my Mum how being abused makes me feel by telling her to imagine coming home everyday and seeing your home being set on fire and not being able to do anything to put it out and just having to watch it burn, seeing all the memories go, all of you belongings, and everything that means anything to you. But not only seeing that once, seeing it everyday that you come home, knowing you can expect that but not knowing what to do about it and not be able to do anything about it. It makes you feel as though you don’t want to go home, because you don’t feel safe, you don’t know what else could happen. You wouldn’t just forget about it, you would remember it, the memories of it would follow you. You can’t feel safe because you are scared of what will happen.

This was the only way I could explain it to my Mum.

– Stacey xo

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