Thursday Thoughts: Has lockdown secretly been a blessing?

I originally created this blog as somewhere to post my thoughts and feelings… basically to vent a little bit and sort through things I am thinking about. So I thought I would start doing this again as it really helped clear my head.

These posts may be a little bit of a ramble but who knows, you may enjoy it.

Over the last few weeks I have been stuck in lockdown in Cambridge due to visiting my family when lockdown was announced. This is the place I was abused. I haven’t been here for this length of time since I reported it to the police. This has meant I have never truly ‘faced’ my feelings that are linked to this place and often associate Cambridge as ‘being a bad place’ as a result of the abuse.

Whilst being here I have suffered from flashbacks again, insomnia, anxiety and my depression has crept in too. However from my counselling I have learnt ways to deal with these things. Although in the beginning I didn’t fully recognise my feelings, and why I was feeling the way I was. Once I did recognise this I started to use the tools I had previously learnt to become more in control of how I was/ am feeling and addressing these thoughts in an appropriate and constructive way.

One thing that has always helped my mental health is exercising, usually in the form of going for a long walk. I mentioned in my weekly post that Marysia had to convince me to start using my lockdown exercise and actually get out a bit, but I am glad she did convince me to actually get out and just go for a walk. I had forgotten how much better I feel after going for walk or simply doing some form of exercise. I also think the change of scenery does me good too. Plus it give me a chance to practice a little bit of photography which is also something I enjoy.

By starting to associate Cambridge with positive things, even little things like going and enjoying a walk, do a bit of photography, or doing a work out in my parents front garden. I am slowly seeing improvement with my mental health being here. I have also started to fall in love with exercising again and have started to make it part of my routine which has always got to be a bonus, right?

So whilst being in lockdown has been frustrating in other senses, maybe it has been a blessing for other reasons?